The Big Promise
One of the things you will be sure to encounter once you have been researching long enough is what I refer to as “The Big Promise.” You will find someone, somewhere who will have documents, pictures, newspaper clippings, journals, military records or something else that it would be really great for you to have for your research. While many people might hand you these things you will always encounter the person who looks you squarely in the eye and says, “You can have these things when I die.”
Don’t hold your breath!
As I have written in other articles here, I have been researching my families since 1974, bringing the count to over 35 years of encounters with people concerning the Genealogy. I have had two situations where I was promised things. The first situation has never resolved and the second situation resolved itself some 15 years later.
In the first place, my grandmother, my father’s mother promised me documents from her collections, including what was to be birth and death certificates, wills, deed and other things dating back to the Civil War. She also promised possession of a Journal, where for decades she recorded family events. I tried to get copies of all these things while she was alive and it was a no go. When she died, I made simple request of the documents and hit a brick wall that hasn’t disappeared yet. I requested copies, I even offered to come and transcribe the information, so the originals never left the possession of the Aunt who has them. All of my attempts were rebuffed and it has caused an argument that has lasted for years.
So, I went through other avenues and found the information anyway, in fact, far more information than I was originally interested in initially. Thanks to the brick wall, I have compounded information on over 5100 descendants of my GGGrandparents on one side and over 1800 descendants on the other side that I am still working.
In the second scenario, I was promised a whole box of Military memorabilia when an uncle died. When he died, my aunt promised to fulfill the grant but simply never did. Many years later when she died, her granddaughter sent me the materials. The granddaughter had no idea I had been promised the boxes and was glad to be rid of them.
If someone tells you that you are supposed to receive something, make sure it is in their will or that they sign a document pledging the items to you. Otherwise, you may have a tough time getting the items. You would be amazed at what people will hang on to when someone dies, where otherwise they could have not cared less before the death.
The same goes for personal items. It took me years to gather back pocket knives that were supposed to be mine when my grandfather died. We never have figured out where the old coins disappeared to…..I hear they were supposed to be mine too.
I have also had another situation, where I asked an aunt for her husband’s V-mail or at least copies of it, and she begged off as some of it was personal. A fire took care of that issue. Wooooosh!
Don’t be afraid to be a little persistent and even a bit forceful when trying to preserve such records. Explain to the person that while you understand their desire to hold onto things, you have real concerns about what will happen to them at the hands of those who have little or no feelings about the preservation.
Yes, I know it sounds a bit rough to be persistent, but it’s better than not receiving anything, especially when you know there are gems to be had within the items.
One Response “The Big Promise”
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Hi,
What you have wrtten above is all so true. Promises not kept because they didn’t let any of the immediate descendants know.
When I started research it was because my grandfather was such a Civil War buff..his dad and both grandfathers along with other various relatives faught in that war.
When he was at a much advanced age I learned how to get copies of the Civil War military and pension records and thought I would get them for him…but he didn’t enjoy them because he had gotten quite senile…but it sure set me off on the ever lasting hobby of family research!!
Like you, that was the early 70s and can’t say I have been doing it constantly ever since but it was never far from my thoughts.
And, thank God for computers it sure made it easier!!!!!